Doctor Paging

Learned Volume 3, Issue 28

Welcome to Learned, a short, weekly look at language, education, and everything else under the sun. I’m Joel, linguist and professional slacker. This week, we're paging Drs. Davis, Blair, and Hamilton.

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Ok, raise your hand if this rings a bell: "Dr. Davis, telephone please. Dr. Blair, Dr. Blair. Dr. J. Hamilton, Dr. J. Hamilton..." If it does, it's because you've heard it more times than you can remember in t.v. shows, movies, and maybe even a song or three. In my case, I've known about the clip for years, but it was only a recent deep dive through my old CD collection that brought it back to mind and sparked my curiosity.

The three CDs that sparked this particular rabbit hole are pretty disparate: Queensryche's 1988 progressive metal opus Operation Mindcrime, a newly sober Motley Crue's 1989 comeback album Dr. Feelgood, and Naughty by Nature's self-titled 1991 hip-hop gangsta fusion masterpiece. (All three records hold up far, far better than they have any right to. Seriously.)

The clip itself, as quoted above is a piece of generic "hospital noise" that is set as part of the background for small skits that open key songs on each of the records. In Mindcrime's lead track, "I Remember Now" the protagonist is being treated in a mental hospital; in Naughty By Nature's "Everything's Gonna Be Alright," the song opens with a doctor delivering another fatherless ghetto baby, and in Dr. Feelgood, drug dealer Jimmy has ended up shot and dying in the hospital (if I remember right; I have the CD but no CD player as I'm writing this and so can't verify it!)

(If nothing else, this is a good reminder to teach the youths what the hell a pager was.)

Among the thousands upon thousands of changes the internet and digital technology has wrought is the incredible expansion of the music and sound effects library available to modern media creators. Load up your software of choice, fill it with any of hundreds of libraries from around the world and you have more unique choices to build out the soundscape of your creation. Back in the 80s and 90s however, things were more limited.

As a teenager, I had a fantastic part-time job working as a DJ at my college radio station. It was a good gig, the kind that barely exists anymore and that I wish I had known exactly how good it was while I had it. One of my best friends worked across town at a different radio station and we frequently traded music back and forth for our respective shows. But, we had to be extremely careful about doing so because our stations subscribed to different licenses which meant that my station could get in trouble for playing some of the music available at his station and vice versa. This wasn't normally a problem as there was enough licensed music to fill the gaps in any playlist.

However, as we both moved up through the ranks and got offered better paying work as engineers and producers, we found ourselves in need of non-song sound files. In particular, I remember trying to produce a Christmas themed promotional spot and not being happy with any of the music or effects we had available. My friend hooked me up with the Christmas CD from his stations effects library and I made my promo. But the key point in that sentence was "the Christmas CD." The entire library had a single CD of sound effects that could be used for Christmas-themed works. Back at my station, we had a whole two CDs worth of "spooky sounds."

It’s hard to find a picture of sound effects, unsurprisingly, so here is an effects board instead! Photo by Denisse Leon on Unsplash

So, if it seems odd that three songs from three very different bands in three different genres should feature the same clip, it can most likely be chalked up to the limited effects libraries available at the production studios in the late 80s. This does, however, beg the question - where did the clip come from? Which library is it in?

The internet, alas, does not seem to have a definitive answer. One user on YesFans.com claims to have heard it all the way back in the original Death Wish. I haven't even attempted to verify that yet, but it does present an interesting possibility that, if it is there, it might be something that was foley'd for that movie and then licensed out to various effects libraries from there.

And, for me, this is going to go into the ever-growing list of white-whale questions - those questions and curiosities that I will most likely never find an answer to except by chance. If for no other reason than I don't have the budget to go around purchasing access to lots of sound effects libraries looking for one vintage clip that may or may not be credited in the first place. I'm okay with that. Having that list of white whales is oddly comforting - the internet does not actually know everything. Yet.

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There will be a new issue of The Glossary out on Friday. Until then, stay safe, stay curious. Learn something.

Joel