Orthodoxxing
Learned Vol. 8, Issue 22
There’s a scene in Justified that I think says so much about modern life. Timothy Olyphant, as Raglan Givens, says, “If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you’re the asshole.”
Among the many reasons I love this quote is because sometimes, I’m the asshole. Let me give you a formative example.
When I was all of 18 years old, I got to spend a few weeks in Italy. Most of my experiences there were life-changing. Most were positive. However. I was one of the youngest members of our tour group. I was also one of only two students from the west coast. I was also on my own for the first time. Taken together, I felt more than a little isolated. It felt like everyone else was older, cooler, and already friends with all the other older, cooler people. I want to tell you I rallied and impressed everyone with my absolute cool. I really want to. But.
One of the other guys in the program, let’s call him Liam1, was in his mid-twenties and seemed to have a handle on everything already. He called the professors by their first names, spoke a half-dozen languages, knew how to order wine, and was always, always right. About everything.
After a while, it got to be a little too much. A large group of us were watching t.v. in the basement of our hotel and a performer was dancing around the stage wearing some kind of wireless mic. Liam* and I got into an argument as to whether or not it was a real mic and whether that meant the performer was lip-synching. Neither one of us would back down; both of us were absolutely convinced that we were right.
Now, bear in mind that this was before the internet, we couldn’t just google the answer. And bear in mind that this in no way meant anything to anyone. In fact, the other members of the group were getting visibly annoyed because we couldn’t stop sniping at each other. So, this was a pointless argument with no easily determined resolution and yet neither of us would give up.
Shortly after that, it came up in conversation that I was only 18. Several older members of the group, Liam included, laughed and said, “Ah, now everything makes sense.” I asked how old they thought I was and someone said, “Like the rest of us. Twenty-four.” That only made things worse because now I didn’t know if they meant they thought I was immature for a 24 year old or mature for an 18 year old. At any rate, shortly after that, the older guy apologized and said he shouldn’t have been arguing with me about something so stupid. Reader, I’d like to tell you I took his apology with grace and reciprocated in kind.
But, you know, hi, I’m the asshole, it’s me.
So, I didn’t apologize. But I did learn. I learned that I didn’t always have to be right, especially when it a) didn’t matter and b) there was no way to prove the argument one way or another. I also learned that arguing is very seldom about who is factually right and much more about who is controlling the room.
The point is when I tell you that we are all idiots sometimes, know that I am not excepting myself in any way, shape, or form.
Which brings me to the word orthodox.
In academia, orthodox is often shorthand for the right way of doing something. The trouble is, of course, who gets to decide what’s orthodox and what’s not. Academia, in particular, suffers from a dichotomy where questioning assumptions through research and publishing is meant to be the default position and yet, in practice, who gets to research what and publish where is often controlled by established senior positions2. Orthodox and its related form, orthodoxy, are words that purport to be indicative of the right path but are too often used only for gatekeeping.
Orthodox, itself, is an old word, from Latin, that, like so many others in this series, came to English through the church. In fact, in religious circles, orthodox has very distinct, strict meanings. We’re not talking about those in this article. We’re limiting our discussion to its use in academia and the internet at large because that is where knowledge lives these days, like it or not.
Over the past few years, we’ve seen a number of neologisms crop up that all deal with someone taking it upon themselves to correct someone. If these would-be purveyors of correctness had the expertise or authority to do so, it would be one thing, but they so rarely do. So, we’ve seen words like mansplaining and sealioning where someone insists upon their version of the truth, whether the question was asked of them be damned.
So, with all that in mind, let’s coin a new word3.
Our new word should mean something like:
The act of correcting someone’s statement, usage, or belief without being asked and often without recognized authority or expertise.
By extension: the zealous enforcement of “right” opinion in casual or informal settings.
So we need a word that means “right, correct” but also “strict” and “pedantic”. Orthodox fits that role nicely. And let’s combine it with kind of a new word, one that means to persecute someone by displaying their private information on the internet, usually as a way of attacking them or in an attempt to silence them. In other words, doxx.
I give you orthodoxxing, the act of correcting someone when you really ought to just STFU. As in, back in Italy in 1994, me and Liam really should have quit orthodoxxing each other and just gone out for a drink instead.
Stay curious,
Joel
Not his real name. Duh.
We discussed this previously in Learned 8.8, Blasted Canon.
I’m going to use a technique every English speaker is familiar with, whether then know the terms or not, and smash two existing words together.
Re fn 3: you’ve made a portmanteau word, correct? Just a thought, but that is a good word for your careful analysis (if you haven’t already). One I made up years ago describes weather that is dark, rainy, and cold: grismal.